Bloodsucking Fiends epub – Circuitwiringdiagram.co

31 MAY 2020 Currently 1.99 on USKindle.Blog TwitterRead this with the MacHalos.This is my first Christopher Moore book, and now I want to read all his stuff It s funny and quirky and exactly my type of book Jody is a newly turned vampire and she meets Tommy, who becomes her human helper He does all the stuff she can t do during the day.Tommy also works at a grocery store He is nineteen Jody is twenty six He and a group of guys who work there are always drinking and playing wi 31 MAY 2020 Currently 1.99 on USKindle.Blog TwitterRead this with the MacHalos.This is my first Christopher Moore book, and now I want to read all his stuff It s funny and quirky and exactly my type of book Jody is a newly turned vampire and she meets Tommy, who becomes her human helper He does all the stuff she can t do during the day.Tommy also works at a grocery store He is nineteen Jody is twenty six He and a group of guys who work there are always drinking and playing with the food and stuff Tommy is this type of character who just goes along with everything and is a wannabe writer and from a small town, so doesn t know much yet.There is a character named The Emperor who is homeless and has two dogs He is ready for a war against a bad vampire the one who turned Jody There are two police officers who are totally confused because there are murders, but they can t establish a trail since some of the bodies are drained of blood, some aren t, and other clues don t add up.The writing style is kind of rambling and definitely silly It was originally written in 1995 or so Outside of some dated chick lit things like Jody complaining she ll never be able to lose those five pounds now that she is a vampire and insisting she is a size smaller than she really is, it s fun and wacky.And vampires Definitely continuing 3 stars from me Silly, funny, kinda gross vampire story I liked it It s an easy read I may just seek out the next in the series to find out what happens to everyone Just what I needed after the heavy and serious book I read right before this. C Thomas Flood lands in the city by the Bay, fresh from the farming fields of Indiana, determined to write a great American novel He rents a cot from a Chinese entrepreneur named Wong and finds himself living with five other Chinese gentlemen all named Wong as well The Wongs are excited because they have recently learned that it is legal for two men to marry in San Francisco Thomas has something they really, really lust forAmerican citizenship Needless to say living with five men who C Thomas Flood lands in the city by the Bay, fresh from the farming fields of Indiana, determined to write a great American novel He rents a cot from a Chinese entrepreneur named Wong and finds himself living with five other Chinese gentlemen all named Wong as well The Wongs are excited because they have recently learned that it is legal for two men to marry in San Francisco Thomas has something they really, really lust forAmerican citizenship Needless to say living with five men who look on you as the golden prize becomes a little uncomfortable Marry me Tommyno marry meno me.Thomas s fortunes seem to be on the rise when he lands a job on the graveyard shift of the local Safeway He quickly becomes proficient at the sport being perfected by graveyard shifts at supermarkets all over Americafrozen turkey bowling Thomas has been horny so long he has forgotten he s horny He is 19 and almost a virgin He has been assured on two different occasions that he did have sex, but both times he was too drunk to remember When he meets Jody and she seems to find him totally irresistible he can not believe his luck Vampire Vixen JodyShe is gorgeous and she wants to have sex with him.a lot His father must have never explained to him that if something is too good to be true it probably is She is a vampire, which when she tells him is a little unsettling, but then she hassex with him Sure the biting is a little painful and weird, but she s having sex with him Life, unfortunately, for Thomas can not all be about sex Reality intrudes in a big way when the Vampire that turned Jody decides that Thomas must die The hi jinks and ineptitude of the characters reminded me of the REAPER episodes The book is garnished with a host of strange characters, pornographic Disney tattoos, attempted necrophilia, and Hiaasenesque humor It is the first book of a trilogy followed by You Suck and Bite Me If you are looking for something light, funny, and weird then this book will do nicely Jody was attacked by a man who bit her neck and left her for dead in an alleyway She woke up a vampire What is she going to do nowJody was twenty six and pretty in a way that made men want to tuck her into flannel sheets and kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room cute but not beautiful C Thomas Flood wants to be an author, but where he comes from Indiana that s not an acceptable trade for a man He flees to San Francisco to starve in the city After some misadventures with Jody was attacked by a man who bit her neck and left her for dead in an alleyway She woke up a vampire What is she going to do nowJody was twenty six and pretty in a way that made men want to tuck her into flannel sheets and kiss her on the forehead before leaving the room cute but not beautiful C Thomas Flood wants to be an author, but where he comes from Indiana that s not an acceptable trade for a man He flees to San Francisco to starve in the city After some misadventures with too many roommates and turkey bowling at the Safeway, he meets Jody and his life is never the sameTurkey bowing is not recognized by the NCAA or the Olympic Committee There are no professional tournaments sponsored by the Poultry Farmers of America, and the footwear companies do not manufacture turkey bowling shoes Despite this lack of official recognition, the fine and noble tradition of skidding the buzzard is practiced nightly by supermarket night crews all over the nation Christopher Moore takes on the vampire genre and it s not his best effort If you re going to read one of his books, I recommend Lamb The Gospel According to Biff, Christ s Childhood Pal.It s still ridiculous fictional literature, but I enjoyed the characters in LambIn Blocksucking Fiends, everybody reads like one clich after anotherIn another time she would have called a girlfriend and spent the evening on the phone being comforted She would have eaten a half gallon of ice cream and stayed up all night thinking about what she was going to do with her life But that was another time, when she had been a person And perhaps that was Moore s point It was as if he was mocking the sub genre of vampire novels by his one dimensional characters and thin plot.Or maybe it is just a sub par effort.I don t think I ll be picking up the other books in this series Like all of Moore s novels I have read, this one is hilarious Could this be the first post modern vampire book Romanticism has been either thrown in the corner of the closet or all together defenestrated, this is nuts and bolts of how this immortal stuff works and mythbusting what doesn t Really, really fun Like all of Moore s novels I have read, this one is hilarious Could this be the first post modern vampire book Romanticism has been either thrown in the corner of the closet or all together defenestrated, this is nuts and bolts of how this immortal stuff works and mythbusting what doesn t Really, really fun Christopher Moore has an amazing imagination As I read Bloodsucking Fiends and, a while back, Lamb The Gospel According to Biff, Christ s Childhood Pal, I kept asking myself, Where do all his ideas come from This story is both creative and funny It is different to any other vampire story that you have read, or will ever read, unless somebody plagiarises Moore.Tommy is the leader of a gang of oddball supermarket shelf stackers Jody is a novice vampire The two of them form what one would n Christopher Moore has an amazing imagination As I read Bloodsucking Fiends and, a while back, Lamb The Gospel According to Biff, Christ s Childhood Pal, I kept asking myself, Where do all his ideas come from This story is both creative and funny It is different to any other vampire story that you have read, or will ever read, unless somebody plagiarises Moore.Tommy is the leader of a gang of oddball supermarket shelf stackers Jody is a novice vampire The two of them form what one would normally consider to be an unlikely alliance But, once I have told you that every event and character in this book is unlikely, you will reconsider Tommy and Jody set out on a mission to survive Murders happen around them throughout their journey A centuries old vampire provides elements of tension and extreme danger The San Francisco police particarly two contrasting detectives, bungle their way into and through the adventure.Each of the members of The Animals plays a part, and they are all great fun as well as, like most of the characters in this book, having their dark sides.I can go no further without mentioning my favourite character in the whole book The Emperor This old man is the self styled Emperor of San Francisco and Protector of Mexico He is supported by his men, who turn out to be two dogs equipped to do battle against the vicious, murdering fiend who has been stalking his City This guy is respected by everyone, and he becomes Tommy s best friend and ally.I can t say too muchwithout spoiling it for you, except that you should watch out for the turtles.Now you are asking yourself if I am crazy, but I kid you not There are so many surprises in this book Now that I have finished, I want to go back and read it all over again It was that good The one negative comment that I would make, is that I don t see this as a love story The two main characters make use of each other, and they do declare their love for each other, but there is no romance Perhaps that will come in the next book in the series, You Suck.Sadly, my to read shelf is groaning and beckoning me to pick up the next, fresh volume to relieve some of the weight that she carries.You really MUST make space in your life for Bloodsucking Fiends Highly recommended There is an alternate cover edition hereJody never asked to become a vampire But when she wakes up under an alley dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for herMaking the transition from the nine to five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that s where C Thomas Flood fits in A would be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy to his friends is biding his time night clerking and frozen turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door and proceeds to rock Tommy s life and afterlife in ways he never imagined possible This reminded me of the campy vampire movies I loved as a kid Buffy the Vampire Slayer the original with Kristy Swanson and Donald Sutherland for some fucking reason or The Lost Boys Perhaps if I d read Bloodsucking Fiends when it first came out in 1995 I would have a nostalgia towards the story, because I m fully aware that the only reason, something like Buffy the Vampire Slayer is re watchable to me is because I saw it for the first time when I was 8 It s not going to hold up for, sa This reminded me of the campy vampire movies I loved as a kid Buffy the Vampire Slayer the original with Kristy Swanson and Donald Sutherland for some fucking reason or The Lost Boys Perhaps if I d read Bloodsucking Fiends when it first came out in 1995 I would have a nostalgia towards the story, because I m fully aware that the only reason, something like Buffy the Vampire Slayer is re watchable to me is because I saw it for the first time when I was 8 It s not going to hold up for, say, my 12 year old stepdaughter who likes Home Alone 3 better than the original movie Little psycho.For me, now in 2016, this novel was a mish mash of cardboard stereotypes and dated, sometimes offensive, dad joke quality humourI miss eating French fries I m Irish, you know Ever since the Great Potato Famine my people get nervous if they don t eat French fries every few days Did you ever think about thatRight, RIGHT Those crazy Irish sure do love their potatoes hardy hardy harShe ll rip out your throat and drink your blood as you die Is that what you want Hair Plugs shook his head violently No, I already have an ex wifeBa dum dum tshhh The foggy California nights, the super cheesy evil vampire, the over the top cast of supporting characters, and the ever present 90s theme of a teenager who relates everything in his life to his favourite movies books, falling in love with the hot chick who thinks his weirdness is just too adorable for words, was eye twitchingly cliche The main characters were near intolerable Jody the Vampire being only slightlylikable compared to the pouting baby, Holden Caulfield wanna be that was Tommy Flood By the point in the book where he considered having sex with his vampire girlfriend while she was asleep, knowing she wouldn t wake up because vampire, was the end of any chance for me to like that bag of neurotic dicks Rape is never funny, no matter how goofy and innocent you try to make the main character s line of thought on the matter Oh, Tommy just doesn t understand women hochachachacha In terms of the story itself, the whole book hinges on the romance between Tommy and Jody But it was just too unbelievable and straight up silly That s right, SILLY Given this a novel about vampires, some might say Krystin Vampires aren t real either, just go with it But personally, when the world a novel takes place in tells me magic is real, bitch, I need the relationships to ground the story But this A vampire meets a guy by random divine coincidence, goes on one date, asks him to move in, and two days later are in love and having mind blowing sex while he s willing to risk his life to kill the evil vampire hunting his new girlfriend PUH LEASE, pump your fucking brakes.The only reason this isn t getting one star is because I found Moore s writing style really moved things along at an entertaining pace and there were a few moments featuring the Emperor and his dogs that I genuinely enjoyed My sister and my husband have been swearing up and down that I would love Christopher Moore Maybe I should have started with somethingpopular like Lamb or Fluke, but I didn t and now I m stuck wondering if I should even bother trying again NOTE PLEASE STOP COMING TO THIS REVIEW ACTING LIKE I AM CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO FIND THIS BORING ASS BOOK INTERESTING OR FUNNY IT WAS BORING I WAS BORED PLEASE LEARN TO DEAL Jody is a grab bag of stereotypes and is flatter than a cardboard cut out of Carrie Bradshaw One has to wonder if Moore had any idea what women are like Or even people Perhaps he lives in some secluded Alaskan tundra in which case I will forgive him his ignorance.Moore at best seems to be a garbage bag who seems NOTE PLEASE STOP COMING TO THIS REVIEW ACTING LIKE I AM CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO FIND THIS BORING ASS BOOK INTERESTING OR FUNNY IT WAS BORING I WAS BORED PLEASE LEARN TO DEAL Jody is a grab bag of stereotypes and is flatter than a cardboard cut out of Carrie Bradshaw One has to wonder if Moore had any idea what women are like Or even people Perhaps he lives in some secluded Alaskan tundra in which case I will forgive him his ignorance.Moore at best seems to be a garbage bag who seems to think that the main character literally being raped when Flood, only slightlytolerable than a roomful of colicky infants, has sex with her prone body while she s physically unable to defend herself is funny.No, rape is not a punch line The only time I laughed was his hilarious inability to even write racism correctly.That s right, he fails at being an ass Sometimes it helps to read a series in order In the case of Christopher Moore, though, it s not always necessary I read You Suck first, and thoroughly enjoyed it, then went back and read its precursor, Bloodsucking Fiends While BF gave context for YS, each stands on its own as a very amusing quick read Jody is attacked walking home from work and wakes up the next evening disheveled, under a dumpster, with one burned hand, and with a load of cash in a paper bag She returns to her apartme Sometimes it helps to read a series in order In the case of Christopher Moore, though, it s not always necessary I read You Suck first, and thoroughly enjoyed it, then went back and read its precursor, Bloodsucking Fiends While BF gave context for YS, each stands on its own as a very amusing quick read Jody is attacked walking home from work and wakes up the next evening disheveled, under a dumpster, with one burned hand, and with a load of cash in a paper bag She returns to her apartment to be confronted by her live in boyfriend and to find that her car has been impounded Needing a place to live and someone to do her work by daylight, she finds C Thomas Flood, a night manager at a grocery store, and makes him her minion Not in a sinister way, but in a I wonder what it would be like to be a vampire s minion way Being an aspiring writer, Tommy researches vampirism extensively and tests Jody with and without permission to find out which aspects of vampirism in the literature are true turning into a bat, true or false while also helping her find a place to live loft in fashionable SOMA , no windows in bedroom Meanwhile, Jody learns to adapt to her new condition while trying to avoid being framed for murder by the vampire who created her.Add some turkey bowling grocery store clerks, SF police with a penchant for the dramatic, and a fixture of a SF homeless man the Emperor, thankfully of SF and not Oakland and you ve got a few hours worth of good fun